Secret Radio

Discrete amounts

2010-08-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

The population of a city is a discrete amount. At any given time, the population of a city describes a discrete amount of members because the population of a city is a whole integer. However, over a given period of time, the population of a city cannot be said to be a discrete amount because it varies with respect to time.

There is a measure of inaccuracy in the signs that designate the population count of a city at its border. This is due to the fact that after the sign is posted, there is an amount of time for the population count to waiver due to recurring births and deaths within the city limits. It would be reasonable to assume that the innacuracy of a population count sign is directly related to the rate at which the population is changing.

The rate of change of the population growth rate for a designated region has increased exponentially in recent years. As a result, population signs are exceptionally inaccurate these days.

Film Review: Toy Story 3.

2010-08-16T11:03:00.001-07:00

Toy Story 3 is said to evoke a strong emotive response in many viewers. For what purpose, if any?

Toy Story 3, a modern tale of political upheaval, is visually compelling and emotionally exhausting. Viewers may wonder why they were elicited to feel so strongly about a group of toys and whether it was for a specific reason. At the end of the film, a judicial decision is reached regarding a character with intense political aspirations.

Toy Story 3 is a movie with a message, and that message is, "Treat your toys nicely, because they are secretly alive." Yes, indeed. Secretly alive. Perhaps it is beneficial to regard inanimate objects as capable of experiencing human emotions such as love, or sadness, or suffering. Toy Story 3 asks us to do this in a way that is emotionally compelling on a level that I find physically disturbing. Toy Story 3 sadistically toys with your emotions as if it requires it, organically, in the manner that parasitic aliens on Star Trek chemically induced primitive, warlike rage in the members of the crew of the Starship Enterprise so that they could feed off the stress energy released through physical exhertion.

Perhaps the most important lesson of all that we must take from Toy Story 3 is that every action we partake in releases a heat-chemical reaction that slowly tips the balance of the universe towards an increase in degradation due to entropy. Where is all this heat energy going, you might ask? Certainly, it is released into the environment and atmosphere within the vicinity of the expiring organism. A supplementary question you might ask is where is all this heat energy coming from? Clearly, a certain percent of this energy comes from the release of chemical potential energy stored within the cellular constituents of food particles. Certainly, another percent of this energy comes from solar radiation. And finally, another percent of this energy comes from the heat released from the center of the Earth. I further propose that it is certain that another percent of this energy is composed of an intersection of more than one of the aforementioned energy sources, since solar energy is stored cellularly within plants and would thus compose of a combination of energy from the Sun and energy from the Earth. Thus the sum amount of energy stored within a closed constituent such as an individual organism would draw from simultaneous sources. Thus it would be inappropriate to assume that the Earth is a closed system with respect to any potential energy equations designed to compute the rate of entropy of the known universe.

In short, you might consider that each physical action you engage in somehow draws from the energy of a dying star. I hesitate to propose that the sun is dying, because immediately, it is not, and it would not be appropriate to view the sun as dying for a very long time. The period of time that it would take to wait until the time that it would be appropriate to say, "The sun is dying," is so unimaginably great in magnitude that it would be easy to say we shouldn't worry about it because it is so incomprehensibly far in the future. But in my considerations I have come to consider that all things die, suns and stars also. As such, it is worthwhile to consider now that someday the sun will indeed die, in the manner that stars, and all known physical beings, expire also.

As organisms upon this earth, we necessarily draw from the energy of the Sun. As such, every action executed upon the Earth draws from the energy of a fusion reaction that will not last forever.

Time Travel is Daft Folly

2010-08-10T20:12:00.001-07:00

Zoned out at the Gates of Robot Hell

2010-08-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

The North, eh?

2010-07-29T13:13:00.000-07:00

Residing in the House of Ghosts

2010-07-29T13:09:00.001-07:00

Ghosts can be quite rude.

Comic, R is for

2010-07-28T04:34:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone, I made more comics! There's a second part to this story that I'm working on.

Sketch

2010-06-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

CatResponder

2010-05-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Cat Responder. Please select:

^^ >..< `'\| ~ (\| \|) uu	^^ >..< `'\| ~ (\| \|) uu	^^ >..< `'\| ~ (\| \|) uu
Orange Cat.	Black Cat.	White Cat.

You have selected Orange Cat. Thank you!

Orange Cat gazes at you expectantly.

Submit an inquiry:

1. food
2. water
3. toy

_1

You offer the cat a bowl of food. The cat eats hungrily until the bowl is empty then looks up at you expectantly.

_1

You offer the cat a bowl of food. The cat eats until there is a little bit of food left in the bowl then sits down and begins licking its paws.

_2

You offer the cat a dish of water. The cat ignores the water completely and continues to groom.

_3

You offer the cat a toy. The cat bats it around for a while then walks a few paces away and lies down.

_3

You offer the cat a toy. The cat gazes at you, uninterested.

_Exit.

Thank you for playing Cat Responder.

Happy February

2010-02-28T14:51:00.001-08:00

public book double feature

2010-01-26T19:30:00.000-08:00

Good evening, everyone. I am pleased to present tonight's Free Public Book Double Feature. The first book is a youth fiction following Amy Tan's journey to the store and back. It may also be used as the key to an alphanumeric cypher using the search and replace function of a basic text editor, which will generate a long, unreadable message. I might write a guide on how to do that later.

The second book is a political thriller. It's great, you'll love it.

--
AMY TAN GOES TO TOWN
Amy Tan needed to go to the store. What did she buy there, and what did it represent symbolically?

Apricot-- resolution

Banana-- iniquity

Carrot-- misfortune

Date-- resolution

Eggplant-- generosity

Fig-- shame

Ginger root-- gnosis

Halibut-- birth order rights

Iodine-- necromancy

Jam-- mastery of horses

Kerosene-- dissatisfaction

Lemon-- victory

Mandarin-- tradition

Nectarine-- progress

Orange-- catastrophe

Plum-- mystery

Quails' eggs-- indignation

Radium-- radioactivity

Salmon-- certainty

Terrycloth-- duplicity

Umbrella-- class warfare

Valium-- consternation

Wort-- hope

X-rated films-- mortality

Zany mice [SELECT]

Amy Tan needed more zany mice. She went to the store to buy some. It was a fine and fulfilling day.

--
POOCHY
The Dog That Became President

Nobody paid any attention as Poochy slipped into the Oval Office. He had gone over it countless hours prior to falling asleep each evening. The location of the President's Hat. Yes, he kept it here, off and to the left as you go in, behind a special case that contained an exact holographic replica of the President's Hat in order to fool people. Suddenly, he heard footsteps. Poochy made a mad dive towards the President's Hat, which was glimmering against the background. The hat slipped on with assurance.

Two men stood framed in the doorway. One of them moved to speak.

"Mister President,"

Poochy looked up slowly. "Yes that's right. How may I help you gentlemen?"

"Mister President. . ."

Poochy drew out a long, level smile. The hat had done its work. "Yes, gentlemen, what is it?"

" . . .You look fantastic."

--

SorryBike for Mariel Mentink

2010-01-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

(more information)

café drawing + SAUCE IS NOT PASTE

2010-01-16T19:36:00.001-08:00

I met this guy at a café because he had my friend Pris' old number. I showed him how to make spaghetti sauce because I thought he might like to know how to make it from scratch, but I accidentally bought tomato sauce instead of tomato paste. It's a big mistake, never make it. He wasn't really that interested in it anyway.

EDIT: If you accidentally use sauce instead of paste, don't worry, you can still eat it. It just won't be as good.

Well, this is my recipe for spaghetti sauce.

spaghetti sauce (olive oil, butter, onion, garlic, tomato, tomato paste, fresh basil)

Dice the onion and mince the garlic. You can use either 1 or 2 onions or cloves of garlic, depending on how much you like either one.
If you cannot cube a tomato quickly, cube 2-3 tomatoes now.
Heat a skillet (I prefer iron) on medium heat. When a drop of water will sizzle and pop
immediately after being dropped, you are at the correct temperature.
Add enough olive oil to cover the minced garlic. Allow the oil to heat, then add some butter. Stir in the garlic. Stir enough to keep the garlic from burning. First the garlic will become yellow and sticky, then it will start to brown.
Once the garlic begins to brown, mix in the onions.
You don't have to stir as much as you did earlier, just keep sautéing until the onions become translucent and soft.
Add the tomatoes. Sauté until they become soft.
Add enough tomato paste to cover the vegetables.
Turn the burner to low.
Cut up the fresh basil into thin strips, then add them to the mixture.
Simmer on low until ready.

I want to try making a batch of this without butter and compare it to the same recipe with butter, but I'd need a group of people for it to be scientific.

;)

Turing Test Comic for Aaron Diaz

2010-01-15T18:12:00.000-08:00

Hi guys, Aaron Diaz of Dresden Codak hurt his hands recently, which is sad because he is an extremely talented artist and a nice man. Let's hope he gets well soon, but in the meanwhile, here is a comic about a real, live robot that I hope will cheer him up.

And... notes!

the news is dumb.

2010-01-07T23:54:00.000-08:00

Here's a new comic for you guys. This one is in two parts, it's pretty big. I almost left the last panel out because it's pretty creepy, but then I decided to leave it in for the same reason.

By the way, the part about mailing to China is true. Well, it happened when I was like 5 and not today, but still. My dad got really mad at me for wasting all those postage stamps.

Someday I'll color these.

another comic

2010-01-04T21:00:00.001-08:00

I just finished a comic based off the Ring of Gyges in Herodotus, except I replaced the characters with characters from Stargate SG-1. If you don't watch Stargate, Daniel Jackson is a scientist whose wife is kidnapped by aliens at the beginning of the series. In this particular episode, an aquatic alien kidnaps Daniel Jackson to help find his mate. Enjoy!

comic

2010-01-03T21:08:00.001-08:00

Hi guys, I've been working on comics. I really need to get some drawing paper, because this computer paper isn't working out at all. I tried to get rid of most of the smudges, but I don't have any good image editing software on this computer.

The quote is from The Brothers Karamazov.

you have two cows

2009-12-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

You have two cows. One cow is a bull due to a transcription error.

--

You have two cows. One cow attends small but respectable liberal arts college in New York, writes home for money and expects to become successful playwright.
One cow is talkative, unendurable. Thinks it is of interest to recount long lists of what happened at market during the day. Not of interest.
Over holiday, first cow attempts to convince second cow to find more progressive use of time than giving milk. Second cow responds by giving first cow a small kick-knack with religious inscription. First cow is an atheist.

You have two cows. One cow is forgetful, frequently claims it is Tuesday when it is not Tuesday. When told actual day of the week, likes to respond, "Well things are just moo-ving along so quickly, aren't they?"
One cow notices this, claims first cow is senile and should be replaced by Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps. You accuse both cows of conspiracy and sentence them to execution by guillotine.

You have no cows. Your wife is suspicious, reports to town doctor that you appear insane. You sell wife at local bazaar at discount price for being disloyal, use the money to buy two cows.

You have two cows. Both give milk and flirt courteously, asking how such a tall, handsome man has no wife. You laugh and offer poor excuse that you are honor-bound to remain unmarried until your brother returns home from war against the English.
On Sunday you go into town to look for a new wife. When you stop to chat with a prospective lady, you notice glimmering specters of two cows standing parallel as your vision clouds red with blood.

a word meaning

2009-11-28T19:04:00.000-08:00

Guys, I've been thinking about Douglas Adams recently. I just found this online transcript of The Meaning of Liff and decided it would be fun to make up some new words. Well, I only actually made up two new words, but I have a bunch of definitions for things that should be words. The first word is fnoolean.

Fnoolean (adj.)
Possessing a particular quality that causes one to be reminded of Douglas Adams. Once defined, the word fnoolean is itself fnoolean. Fnoolean sounds like boolean, as in, "It is either fnoolean or not."

Bivest (adj.) To have the desire for alcohol. (like thirst, but specifically for alcohol.)

"I'm so bivest. When is Susan coming back from the liquor store?"

And now the definitions. Let me know if you have any ideas for the words, or if what I'm thinking of is already a word.

To wander aimlessly.

To feel as if obligated to love.

To reduce a situation to a series of logical suppositions in order to attain a false sense of understanding.

To exert to exhaustion without purpose.

To ignore a problem.

To conjoin erratically, in the manner that insects breed.

To over-enunciate.

To mistake an identity.

To ignore out of shame.

To speak with the intent to deceive without actually lying.

To compare the pitch of two musical notes, as in tuning.

To mask one's emotions.

To conjecture without the an intent to come to a conclusion.

To hover in decision-making (I'm pretty sure this word exists but I can't think of it.)

To blame wrongly.

To admire a flag.

To feel excessive remorse.

To buck wildly.

seventy-third death: a garflebonker

2009-11-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

You are standing outside of a dungeon cell. There is a faint, raspy wheezing emanating from behind the cell's solid iron door. It sounds as if whatever is locked in there may be injured. There is a gendarme passing by.

_open door
It's locked.

_check inventory
You have: absolutely nothing.

_look gendarme
He is swaggering. There is a keyring attached to his hip.

_get key
You distract the gendarme with large, glistening eyes as you slip the keyring into your satchel.

_use key
It would probably be better to wait until the gendarme isn't looking.

_go south
You travel south down a long dungeon corridor until you reach a small window. There is a tapestry of a wyvern here. There is a corridor leading north and a staircase to the west that leads upwards.

_go north
You are standing outside of a dungeon cell. There is a faint, raspy wheezing emanating from behind the cell's solid iron door. It sounds as if whatever is locked in there may be injured.

_use key
You attempt to unlock the cell door using different keys on the ring. Finally, you turn one and hear a faint click.

_open door
You push on the cell door and it turns slowly. The sudden burst of air awakens the slumbering garflebonker and it staggers out, emitting a loamy yawn for cheesecake. The garflebonker rapidly overwhelms you with its might and exposes its crooked, rusty teeth. You have died.

Hellberries

2009-11-16T18:41:00.000-08:00

You are standing in a garden outside a small palace of Hell. Behind you lies a curved path leading around towards the front entrance. The air is rich with the scent of Hellblossoms.

_look
The sky is scorched. It is impossible to tell whether it is night or day. You are near a small, wooden gazebo. There are several large Hellberry bushes here.

_look bushes
Bright fist-sized blossoms hang in the bushes' dark, dense foliage. These berries must be enormous.

_get blossoms
You gingerly snap one off a nearby bush. It exhales a sigh as you tuck it into your inventory.

_look inventory
It's more of an abstract concept, really.

_inventory
you have:
a demonic clavinova
(1) Hellblossom
rusty scraps

_eat Hellblossom
They are extremely poisonous.

_eat Hellblossom
No.

_use clavinova
It isn't on.

_turn on clavinova
It powers on and runs through a scale.

_use clavinova
You flex your hands then draw out a merry ditty. The lilting notes bring you back to gladder times as you recall pleasant childhood memories in which you excel at sports.