Monday, December 7, 2009

you have two cows

You have two cows. One cow is a bull due to a transcription error.


You have two cows.
One cow attends small but respectable liberal arts college in New York, writes home for money and expects to become successful playwright.
One cow is talkative, unendurable. Thinks it is of interest to recount long lists of what happened at market during the day. Not of interest.
Over holiday, first cow attempts to convince second cow to find more progressive use of time than giving milk. Second cow responds by giving first cow a small kick-knack with religious inscription. First cow is an atheist.

You have two cows. One cow is forgetful, frequently claims it is Tuesday when it is not Tuesday. When told actual day of the week, likes to respond, "Well things are just moo-ving along so quickly, aren't they?"
One cow notices this, claims first cow is senile and should be replaced by Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps. You accuse both cows of conspiracy and sentence them to execution by guillotine.

You have no cows. Your wife is suspicious, reports to town doctor that you appear insane. You sell wife at local bazaar at discount price for being disloyal, use the money to buy two cows.

You have two cows. Both give milk and flirt courteously, asking how such a tall, handsome man has no wife. You laugh and offer poor excuse that you are honor-bound to remain unmarried until your brother returns home from war against the English.
On Sunday you go into town to look for a new wife. When you stop to chat with a prospective lady, you notice glimmering specters of two cows standing parallel as your vision clouds red with blood.

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